im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
