Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
