and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
