So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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