she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I think I just sharted jello shots
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