the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
