Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
