Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
last night I used snow as a chaser
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
