did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
