Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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