i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
