So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
