To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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