kristin has been a bad kristin
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
