margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This baby is an asshole
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
