In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
