Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
