Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
