you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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