Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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