I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
