I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
