Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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