You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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