I can tuck mytits in my pants
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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