Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
