Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Everyone says I win the strip club
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
