I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
