I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
