I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
