I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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