He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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