all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Houston, we have a squirter
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
