with your own penis?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
