I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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