12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
