everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
