was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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