How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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