I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
