I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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