We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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