upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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