don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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