i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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