i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
