i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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