Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
