just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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