I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
