:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I checked into jail on foursquare
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
