the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
