apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
