Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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