yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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