So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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