you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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