my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
