I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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