sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize