so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
too bad you live with your parents still
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
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