Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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