Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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