Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
