Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
