I think I won the penis lottery.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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