I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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