I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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