i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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