it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
