Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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