It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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