I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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