I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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