so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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