I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
