Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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