she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
