btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
