Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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