I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
