grandma shit on top of the toilet
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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