so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
