I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
