Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
