do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
