either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
