I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
