It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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