If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
