every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
