I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
