I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
