Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
