I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
