Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
